19 is so young!

I keep seeing the images of a 19 year old hiding in a boat, and I can't help but think of what 19 is.  He must have been so scared.  I think of his mother who can't believe what he's done, and I think, what if my daughter grew up to do something so un-imaginably awful.  I wouldn't believe it either.  My baby!  All I would want would be to hold my baby and comfort her.  I feel for his family, for his victims, and victim's families.  But especially for his mother.

Nineteen is so young, and I think back to the year that I was 19.  I was so messed up.  I was lonely, so lonely that I prayed for a boyfriend, any boyfriend, just because that had to be better than being lonely.  That was the year I learned it's better to be alone than with the wrong person.  I dated two guys that year.  The first was, a nice guy.  Benign really, but I wasn't the right girl for him any more than he was for me.  Then I dated the abusive egomaniac.  I remember at 19 telling myself that I really must be something wonderful if he wanted me so much he would try to force himself on me.  It took me a long time to realize I was special on my own.

Nineteen is so young.  He must be so scared.  I have no idea why he did what he did, what he was thinking, what he thought would happen.  But I understand being 19, and young, and confused, and scared and I pray for him, and his family, and his victims, and their families.  I pray for the wisdom of law enforcement.  And I pray for all the other 19 year-old's out there.  We've been there.